sometimes our perceptions change and things start looking different. things you used to recognize don't look the same, is what i'm saying. there's something going on within me. some things. i've known about it for a while and it's ongoing. it's been ongoing since before i knew anything was going on. anything special or meningful and not just to my silly self but on a far grander scale than my puny in comparison world. not just to me is this happening, you are going through your version of it too. for the moment i'ma keep puny.
there's all of this awakening, enlightenment business that's been ongoing my whole life, you know? it's only in retro that many memories of some mundane seeming events, along with ones that were remarkable at the time, have a larger significance today that was unforseen at the time.
like the time i sat with a younger person, both of us bored in our sweltering town in l.a. county on our apartment's front steps under wide palm leaves and hibiscus flower bushes and other tropics evoking plants. my companion asked me to tell them a story.
i launched into this story about hawaii, a place i hadn't yet visited. it was an intricate and textured tale and fully cast, even places were richly detailed.
i remember that much although i could not repeat it the next day. at the time on the following day i was asked to pick up where i left off and i could not. couldn't even remember it. which was odd. i was 11 or twelve at the time and that memory, of the inability to recall what i had effortlessly spoken out the previous day stayed with me.
it strikes me now, in this monent, the ability to do so, that's been locked up tight. so tight i thought i lost the ability. opportunity came first to mind and then i second guessed myself. rn, in this moment i get this but that is all to be addressed another day.
anyway, back to what this is really about, perceptions and this dream i had a while ago that's never made sense.
it's a tablau of sorts and i don't know why i feel the need to use that word over scene but it does feel like a need. so i looked it up and it is a scene. depicting a frozen moment usually in the context of theatre. the thing is, for what i saw i have no context. i've been calling it a dream but those usually run and play like a movie. what i was seeing was like looking at a painting, but it happened at night because i woke up with it. so, a dream.
this is what it was. a dark background, velvety royal blue and dark navy depth. no stars. in the foreground was the main focal point and it wasn't anything i've seen before so i have no frame of reference. all i could do was supply myself with likenesses.
from top to bottom in the center was hung? strung? this whitish sinewy looking strand or i don't know, tendon? whiter lines threaded along it in places like veins or a nerve bundle.
if it were in a human or animal.
in the middle of this length was a bulbous lump. it looked like a gooseberry was transiting the strand, traveling up or down and was caught suspended there midway along and snack dab in the middle of the painting.
at first since it was all kinds of unrecognizeable i just filed it to revisit later and do with it what i have been doing at some future time that, turns out is now.
i'm still unclear in what it represents and unlike my dreams where i can review and find nuggets if infornation i missed on the first pass, this tablau is pretty static.
but in this unaccustomed wsy i diduncover something else about myself that's ling mystified me. the reason why my story telling felt dried up and gone. not to mention the time it began and why. that's great! i see inkt growth going forward from here. :D