to borrow a turn of phrase from mr. p.t.
when we practices mindfulness, this is the time it's healthy to make it all about ourselves. my understanding of being in the moment has evolved since i began paying it attention. at first it was hard to understand how to put the knowledge into practice.
a story i read about sharpening focus gave an exercise for maintaining it. it's like a meditation for beginners who have trouble shutting off the internal dialogue and the external noise. that can distract and pull our attention away from the serenity we can gain through undivided attention.
that internal dialogue can be a bitch.
a monk is trying to meditate amongst people and their noisy coexistence. we do have to conduct our lives as others do theirs and it's on us to figure out how to proceed and not let the world around intrude.
this monk, to fine tune their attention, they began visualizing an orange. that's it. just maintaining the image of the orange and nothing else. i found that extremely helpful because even though my life doesn't reflect it, it feels stormy and stressful sometimes regardless. that can make it hard to meditate.
being judged, being questioned? that can be felt. the silent actions, the non-verbal cues, the micro aggressions. longing glances, expectant glances. those have weight, and can generate those down upon looks we give without a thought. the heaviness that's been unloaded upon the unwitting recipient of the lower vibrational energy. some have a sensitivity to the emotional exhaust we vent into the atmosphere and pick up on it without meaning to.
ideally we can use imagination for escape. for the ability to sit quietly in the middle of a busy highway or at the tip of a jetty thrashed by high waves, as if it's a sunny mountain meadow with sweet smelling wildflowers. in reality, none of them are strictly true. what's really going on is the absorbtion of waves of energy emitted by everyone and everything else around us. thoughts and emotions of those around us mostly inadvertantly crazy spraying friends and neighbors. for me they land in my windsock self to be collected collated and processed by my filter.
so, storms and eye balling complete wth daggers of animosity. not just that. there's an opposite end of this polarity, not to be grim.
i've noticed that we talk about projection and glibly diagnose one another, when in so many cases we are a black pot calling a black kettle black. it's so easy, we can do it with our eyes closed; but can we do the harder thing?
can we honestly look at what drives us to scorn and shame what others do? here's the thing, if we are letting god be god, or however one refers to spirit, source etc, and run things. maybe things are the way they are by design. maybe we ought not leave our lanes to go and work on, 'scuse the expression, somebody else's shit. maybe we not second guess forces stronger than ourselves.
even if we're offended by it or feel like it's not the right way, diversity is constant and has a function. we don't have to like what off puts us, but it's better to mind our beeswax, because that's not the assignment. that is what we're meant to turn inward for, back upon ourselves. the answers we seek can all be found within ourselves. the ones especially ours, custom. if you get my meaning.
how dare we, anyway? how, when we aren't seeing the parallels to that which we will accuse, diagnose or otherwise critically dismantle other for. people we don't even know. we never shared a space and aren't likely to. i'm saying, we don't personally know the victims of our assumptions.
in the cases i'm referring to, what we do is make assumptions and people into pinatas. we relish it and it's not a great look. imo. is it us? unable to look at our part? what gives us the right? i'll tell you. it takes one to know one.
it's a pain induced reflection, like radiation and we think we have to and turn away. we don't have to, but the glare around our own flaws makes them hard to make out. self imposed without a doubt, but sometimes, we just aren't ready to see that self image. give us a break.
it's all the more harmful for the unconsiousness of where we 're saying. what we say and who it might be harming, because why? because hurt people hurt people and it can become habitual. that alone can create a barrier between ourselves and healing what ails us. we are prone to habit.
all of which is to say, the more difficult the work is, after saying our unasked for say and turning the mirror to ourselves to ask, who am i to say? what does that say about me? how would i feel if a tide of unsolicited uninformed opinion came raining down upon me?
we tend or, i should say, i, tend to act without thinking of the effect of my words. we may be used to it, but we seem not to've worked out that online we have even less of an idea of who can see our words than we did prior to the advent of the internet. now the number of those who can see what we indelibly commit there has gone exponential. we have no clue who is seeing what we say or who's gleaning what from our posts. oh, i should assume there isn't anyone who gets it, i'm sure some do. we may not think in terms of strangers having an effect on each other, but boy, we sure online do.
i feel like we can exercise more restraint in our treatment of each other, when, hi, we probably all have some work to do.
i mean, i can't go around thinking there's neither need nor room for self-improvement, like i have one of those fairy tale mirrors, and i daresay many more of us do too.
after all of that , i get it. this sounds like a scold but it's not. it's me responding to just one aspect of something that repeats frsctal-like in our lives. we cry out in pain. the things we say and do directly impact upon our lives. how well things go, how fortunate you are depends on what we put out "there." put it wherever you need to, but it's our constant companion, where we decide "there" needs to be.
i want to interupt myself to say i mean me as much as anyone, to be clear.
yeah, it's our rolling baggage we travel with. one thing i feel is true, is when we do as i laid out, online. it signals to me that a break through is imminent. like, stat! also remember though, time can be subjective, unique to each of us. be ready to be hit with your own ammunition because the real fun's about to start. shit's about to get real. if the hard stuff's what we're willing to do.