Is It What You Want? Or What You Need?

In thinking about those things it occurred to me that personally, those considerations became such with age and usually in retro.

kind of sucks or stinks, because it's only since the realization came as a result of asking myself these questions before embarking on some act or speech. i mean, i wish i'd figured this out sooner. having a tendency to get all excited and accelerating aso that before I know it, something unintended starts happening. usually after you find yourself inextricably involved in something.

having said that, this isn't something i do instinctively. i sometimes forget and skip the steps to stop myself so i can at least get a sense of how the decision to go forward can go wrong. thus giving myself an opportunity to think better of some hare brained folly i want to impulsively rabbit off and do.

often, i can and do see potential pitfalls and obstacles of some as of yet unmade decision. it's the spontaneity that gets me to lose sight of, like caution. if i get excited by the prospect of something, the ratio of the person,( particularly the people dammit!), or things that i'm attracted to, directly impairs of my ability to make good decisions. even in full awareness of the times i'm dealing with some narcissist vampire. i may decide to go explore what i know is an expedition that is gonna be doomed.

i'm seeing now with a new awareness that i may no longer need these protracted scenarios that don't pan out to be all they claim. like, i have really had to be pummeled over the head with how much idetest empty words and broken promises. i have finally gleaned something from the self-imposed tuning up, though. it is indisputable that prioritizing my want over what is my need, never works out

WAY i want. a dissatisfying lack of reciprocity, where minus that, the reciprocity, doom and failure.

need, as in WHAT i need is a vastly different proposition. as much as i guess i was deluding myself in thinking that what i wanted was going to in any way help do anything but inflate my ego. for the collective what i want doesn't get me what i selfishly desire. while thinking more in terms of WE first, what I need may well evolve into what i want.

it's another of those times when the idea of first using the oxygen mask before giving it to to the next person. then i can extend help. when we act with kindness and charity, we are reciprocated in unexpected ways.

suddenly finding satisfaction greater than that we imagined we wanted, and the gratifying reality comes from a place we can never conceive of, after finally having not made it about ourselves.