sometimes it feels like this world wasn’t meant for me. it’s deliberate. it’s meant to be easy for some.
even they don’t get off scot free. they can still be any of the other cultural no nos. ones we were born with that we can’t really alter and nor should we, if it’s not what we want. still, ones that if expressed, in word or being, are verboten!! you’re in big trouble with the unyielding class of conformity. the angry hoard of unprocessed emotions and harsh judgementation. do not distinguish yourself or you will pay. at least that’s what it feels like.
the confounding thing to keep in mind is that everything that’s playing out and all of the players, are running a play . wow, i don’t know why my limited nfl terminology keeps showing itself. it does seem to convey the message. all but the detachment part. the part where we are mostly unaware that pre-plotted events are what life is all about. with the exception of relatively few, we have no clue.
trying to talk about stuff that’s for the most part buried, out of sight is out of mind. the thing is, there’s always an awareness of it. not only that, the reason/s they are buried and closely guarded but not inventoried could be anything. that’s usually not shared, nor over for debate. so just shut up about it, is the tone.
as an observer, i can speculate but those deets are not mine to know. it’s not my remit so it really doesn’t matter. we’re all on our own shit, good bad or ugly, as it’s meant to be. my preferred position is to tend my own garden. be nice and helpful whenever i can. i don’t see how that can hurt.
there is plenty of my own that needs attention waiting, and i’m at that point in life where I’m not driven to do so by some sort of trauma or dark night of the soul. a fortunate place to be.
a thing i realize i was doing was not all the way letting go. that may look like not much, but i wonder why am i still holding back at this juncture? it crossed my mind that it may be something like the inability to fully void my bladder. i don’t know what it effect there might be to holding onto a surplus of stale pee, but it can’t be good. sorry about the visual, it’s just what came to mind. i figure out what that may be, whatever i’m sneakily, holding back, even from myself and why?
well, i probably won’t share that with a reader. i don’t know you like that. i will, however, show off the newly healed me. i look forward to a glimpse of yours too.
this whole process was born of the new united states under the new administration and so, in answer to the title, yes. i do believe it is necessary. it got pared down to a manageable personalized morsel here. leave it to the big daddies and bros to battle it out. we can do what we will from over here.