the one we're often advised to reach inside or within for, to soothe, to reassure. this abstract idea. it's not nonsensical, i'm not saying that. you can find the idea in psychiatry. i'm saying, for me i haven't found it to be as effective as it's made out to be. i must allow that no one said it'd be easy.
i was getting help with it from without. all kinds of vibrational help. it's an idea that's widely accepted, just one that i needed to work better in practice. but the wave of two related face stuff, well, that couldn't have been clearer. you have two faces. or one and another one or more than two that are artificial. each reflecting some version of ourself we've deemed acceptible for public display. the other is one that is rarely seen or out on top, so to speak. there for all to see.
get a mirror to see your other face that's you. the one we ourselves can't see in real time. expressions. we see them when we look at faces. the ones who can see all of what we miss when we're out there dorking about without seeing our own expression.
interesting. a rn, insight, haha. maybe the fake face is giving a lot away and, well, maybe it'd be easier to just wear the one that isn't trying to impress or express anything other than the straight dope. may as well when we're out being a version of ourselves that leak a little authenticity. like when responding to, "how are you doing?" by sunnily replying "great!" while at the same time shaking our head no.
wait, wasn't i talking about the inner child? yes! still am.
who hides behind pretending to be characters and spontaneously breaks out into different voices? a child. that doesn't sound like putting on an act or less that fully real face at all, does it? when do they become loud and obnoxious?
hold on, what were we wearing in the first place? there's a question, but one i'll revisit another time.
that's when the desire for attention has been denied over long. it's not restricted to kids either, we try to change the subject, the tone. we still do something like it when we grow up too.
they're still wounds to be treated from way back. when we swept past things and they never got seen to. it's like the silent unrealized cavity that by the time it surfaces and makes itself known, plenty of damage has been done. all the while prior and misplaced non-addressed trauma and other wounds left unexplained to a child were buried under layers of experiences. festering or smoldering, call it what you will. out of sight and out of mind got up to no good. i could cliche further on about idle hands but i feel like i made my point. about looking into ourselves and our faces.
sometimes i find a way, a doorway and step through and find a way to reach the inner child. my inner child anyway.
like the way I was treated by people in unassailable positions of authority, as when one is a child and almost everyone is that. things that happen today trigger those childish memories and that's it for me. i finally realized that's one way i have to identify and begin to deal with a piece of baggage i've been paying dues for, that've definitely affected some of my interpersonals today.
that's a source of great relief.